you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
