Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
