Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
