Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
