Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
