I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
