I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
