college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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