I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
