I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
