i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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