I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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