I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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