Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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