her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
