Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
