Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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