dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
