I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
