Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
