yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
