The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
