I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
