Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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