how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
