Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
