its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
