I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
