Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
