If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
