I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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