im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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