I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
