I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
