plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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