By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
