we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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