i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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