High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
