apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
