dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we made out on top of his cat.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
