Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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