I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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