I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
