I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
