I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My penis needs a shock collar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
