i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
