He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
