Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
