dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I want to be your penis for a week.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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