Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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