last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
