All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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