That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
