That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
