guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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