I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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