Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
