i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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