Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
