Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
