Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
