And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Never underestimate the power of titties
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
